Remembering the Good Stuff, Even When It's Hard

I started writing my current book in January. January through mid April I wrote my first draft. After taking the rest of April off to finish my other projects and finals, I also decided to give myself May as a free, non-writing month to recover from grad school and catch up on feeling like a normal person. June and July have been revision months, and now I am into August. And in terms of writing and revising a book, the accumulation of these months don't really represent that long of a time frame. Some books take much longer to write, for a variety of very important reasons. But yet, even though it hasn't been that long, I am getting antsy. I am ready to wrap up my project, take a short break, and move to the next one.

Here's a funny story from this week. At work, my friend and I often talk about our evenings plans. So one day she asked me, "What are you doing tonight?" I said, "Oh, I am going to go hang out with Pearl. We're going to dinner." And my friend looked at me like I had lost my mind, because the name of my main character in my current novel is Pearl. Quickly, I understood her thought process and said, "No! Not that Pearl. A real person Pearl."

I tell this anecdote because the truth is that my fictional Pearl and my project have become such an integrated part of my life over the past few months, that I easily understood why my friend was momentarily confused. I love my current novel. After all this time, I still do — which I think is a great sign. But even with my enthusiasm for fictional Pearl, I can feel myself growing weary. I am ready to produce a polished, finished project and start on something new.

Honestly, I think in some ways this is a good thing. It is encouraging to know that I am looking forward to the next project; that I still have a strong enthusiasm for writing and ideas and creating something new. All of that is a great sign. But much like the rest of life, I think it is important not to rush forward, focusing on the end goal and forgetting to enjoy what is going on in the here and now. I know I am certainly someone guilty of this, in writing and in my day to day.

But as I think about all the work I've done with this novel, I can truly say that I've really enjoyed it. Along the way, I've learned and grown and sharpened my craft, but I've also laughed and felt for my characters and lost myself in the story.  And honestly, if I can get pleasure reading my story as if I wasn't the creator, and if I can know that sometimes, after a mediocre day, I find myself uplifted by my story, and thankful for the work I get to do and the way it makes me feel, then I need to cherish those moments — to remind myself that even though there are days when I am tired or working so hard and just want to reach the end goal, the creation is important to. The process of writing matters, just as the finish product matters.

So as I find myself antsy this weekend, and racing toward the end goal,  I need to remember to enjoy the process. Because of course I want to finish and wrap it up and send it out into the world with hope that someone might believe in it. But I've realized that when it is all said and done, I might just find myself wishing it all hadn't gone so fast.

Encouraging Yourself — Finding the Thing That Keeps You Going

Last night I went to the bookstore with my mother. While we browsed some books, mostly we poked around the selection of beautiful trinkets my local bookstore carries. After we'd selected our treasures, I said, "I have to go to the children's section."

Not looking for anything in particular, I headed over, happy to be surrounded by the books I love; the land I live in. My mother stayed behind look at other things while I made my way around the books, sometimes reaching out to pull one of the shelf, sometimes just to touch the spine. It's a quiet thing I do, being with the books even if I have no intention of buying one or evening reading the jacket copy.

Because here's the thing: sometimes I just need to be with the books. When writing feels tiresome and I'd rather be doing something else; when I fall behind on my schedule and I'm not sure I can make up the time; when I'm tired; when I doubt myself; when I become strapped with the worry that this book might not go anywhere and the question of am I just wasting my time; when I wish I had something more to show for all my hours and efforts; when I need inspiration; or when I really need to somehow, someway feel closer to my dream — these are the times I need encouragement most. These are the times when I need to go do something that perhaps no one else can do for me. I need to find that thing that will keep me going. That thing that touches my heart strings. The thing that encourages and inspires me. The thing that is most meaningful to me.

So here's way I do:

I just stand there. In the bookstore, in the children's section, I find my area of books: intermediate fiction. Then, I stand in front of the books and I admire the spines. My eye jumps from color to color, from title to title, taking in the physical books in front of me.

I think about the covers. The authors. The hard work that went into this seemingly effortless and beautiful story that is just patiently waiting to be picked up by the right hands — to touch just right heart. I move slowly from shelf to shelf, my gazing settling on the names of various authors, sometimes purposefully, sometimes at random. And then, after I've taken in the books and moved quietly amongst the shelves, I think to myself, "That could be me. This could be my book." And then sometimes I feel a bit tearful as I know that day will eventually come — that someday, I will see my book on the shelf. Someday, this dream will come true.

And then I am ready to work again.

You see, I usually don't tell people this. It's kind of vulnerable, admitting how deep this personal hope of mine really is, even if most people know it about me. And I know to some, this practice of imaging my book on a shelf might seem silly, but it's what keeps me going. In a way that nothing else does. Sure, I am hugely dependent on the support of my loved ones, the encouraging words, the excitement of new story ideas, and my honest love of writing itself. But seeing these books on a shelf, it just gets me differently. It makes me feel hopeful in a way that's hard to explain.

So whether you're a new writer or a veteran; an artist or a singer, I would encourage you to find a way to encourage yourself. Find your thing that gets you through — the one that inspires you in that unique, personalized way. Because it helps. It really does. And it bring you that extra boost of energy you need — an energy to keep working hard and to an energy to see the joy that sometimes gets hidden in the pursuit of your goal.

Slow and Steady — You Will Finish the Race

Oh, revision. That's what I've been doing lately. And to be honest, part of me misses the days of writing and creating, though of course, within revision both exist. Still, I miss the feeling of cranking out the pages and getting the story down on paper for the first time. There's something thrilling about that. Whereas writing is driving down a road never traveled, revision is going back and making the path smooth. There is beauty in that, to be sure, but it isn't always as thrilling. Some days I love it more than others, and I know some writers just rejoice in the land of revision, but right now, I kind of wish I could go back to that exciting, fast paced, write-it-all-down-before-it slips-out-of-your-mind kind of feeling.

In this first round of major revision, the pace isn't fast. It's not a whirlwind. It's slow and steady. I am not the hare in the proverbial race with the tortoise. I'm the tortoise. Moving along, getting it done, but certainly not impressing anyone (namely myself) with the speed, and not really doing anything flashy. Yet, there is a lot to be learned from this venerable animal:

The tortoise never gives up. He works at his own pace, allowing for the best work to be done instead of only completing a haphazard job. He is self assured. He doesn't allow a comparison to another animal's style to mess with his own, proven way of working. He is dependable. He will not burn out. He is self aware. And he will finish the race — with pride and integrity and just the way he was meant to.

We all have times of being the tortoise. Currently, this is my season. And at first, I felt slightly downtrodden with my lack of speed and flash and the basic need to just keep moving along without the excitement of the first draft. But actually, it's okay. It's more than okay. Working steadily, at your own pace and in your own style leads to the best work getting done. It leads to something you can be proud of. A piece of art that is well produced.

Revision is not easy. It requires commitment, and it requires that we go through each sentence with a fine-toothed comb. But rushing isn't going to help anyone, and it certainly won't benefit the quality of your work. And ultimately, revision is about producing quality work. So if you're revising, or just feeling stuck in the mire of writing, or struggling to get started, just remember the story of the tortoise.
Remember he is admirable and smart, dependable and able. And then work at your own pace, knowing you will finish. Because you will finish, and with commitment and dedication, you will produce good work.

A Love Letter to My Graduate Degree

So this isn't actually a letter, but more of a reflection. A reflection on just how wonderful grad school has been, and just how much I have loved it.

You know, grad school is no joke. Sometimes reading up to six or seven books a week, writing weekly papers, working on a single project for more than half a semester, reading twenty-seven books over winter break, finishing a manuscript I had begun one semester during the summer between classes, writing and revising a complete manuscript under the guidance of a mentor, and completing another manuscript with a different mentor, the phrase "hard work" seems like an understatement. Grad school was harder than I thought it would be. And while the concepts and learning were definitely challenging, it was the sheer volume of the workload that created the highest demands .

I remember days going to work and feeling so overwhelmed with the amount I had to do and the little time I seemed to do it. Speeding through novels during my lunch hours and commute to work, saying no to plans and holing up in my room to finish all my assignments, outling, brainstorming, drafting, and creating — looking back it's kind of amazing how much I really got done. No wonder I am tired now. But in the midst of all this, during what perhaps seems unappealing and rather crazy to some, I have loved grad school. I have loved my program. And I have loved the people I've found within it.

Talking to my friend Allison last night, after she had turned in her last paper and was feeling slightly sad that school was now officially over, she said something to the effect of, "You know it's funny because I've never felt as much for a place as I do about Simmons." And the truth is I totally feel the same!

Coming to Simmons, I have found a community of people who are kind and interesting and passionate about the same things I am. I have found classes that challenge and expand my mind. I have found instructors who push and support and taught with enthusiasm. I have learned more about books I love and books I had never even heard of than I had ever imagined I would. I have been inspired. I have sharpened my writing skills. I have chased after my dreams. I have worked so incredibly hard. And I have tried to soak up every minute of it, getting the most out of this experience while it is here and in front of me. And now as it is ending, I reflect on just how good it has been, and what a blessing grad school has been to my life.

To be frank, coming to Simmons had been better than I had ever imagined. I almost attended a different school, but with a series of events pointing me to Simmons, I realize this was where I was supposed to be all along. I am so thankful for the learning I have done. I am so grateful for the support I have received. I am honored by my mentors who have given so much of their time and expertise to me. I am overjoyed with the friends I have made. This journey has been extraordinary.

Less than a week shy of graduation, I am looking forward to the celebration of hard work and good friendship. This season of life has really been a blessing — a journey I am so happy to have gone on no matter how hard it was at times. It's been a privilege, grad school. And an honor to walk alongside all of my friends and classmates.

So thank you to everyone who made these two years great. In school and out of school, I couldn't have done it without the support. I look forward to the many things just over the horizon, but cherish this part of the journey, and all the people who have walked along with me. Love to you all :)

The Beauty of the Unknown — The Importance of Sometimes Feeling Lost in Your Writing

On my to do list today, after blogging, of course, is to pack. I am going on a trip to visit my wonderful friend in California, so naturally I have to prepare. Although I have a few days before I will actually be in the airport, waiting with the rest of the anxious travelers for the boarding announcement, seeing as it is the weekend and week days are usually packed with a variety of things, I figured I would get a head start. So with some laundry done and a mental list in my mind, I will begin gathering clothes and other items and stacking them in a neat little pile in my suitcase.

We all have an idea of what our trips will look like when we travel. What we pack reflects what we anticipate our trip to be. The general climate, any potential weather storms, the need for toilettries, outfits for varying occasions, and the itinerary for the week. But trips never exactly going as planned. Something unexpected happens for good or for bad. Someone becomes ill. The scenery isn't quite what we expected. A series of fortuitous events make your trip even better than you had imagined. Regardless of specific occurences, travelling is and always will be unexpected. No matter how much you may try to anticipate the trip, things will happen as they will, and while packing might help you to navigate the twists and turns, packing can't change the inherent uncertainties of travelling.

Such is writing.

Much like traveling, writing is a similar foray into a unknown world. And while we can outline and research, character sketch and plan, the experience is never as we anticipated. Although we might be prepared, we are certainly in the unknown.

This is both a fun, exciting part of writing as well as a bit of a downer. I know I certainly wish that writing could be easier sometimes — that all my preparatory work of brainstorming and outlining and mapping made the words flow beautifully onto the page as the scenes flew by with ease. But while some days prove tremendously fruitful and enjoyable, other days are equally as difficult. Yet, there is something rewarding about the days that are harder. You know, that moment when the scene finally comes out just as you'd planned or the hours of agonizing over the perfect details to solve your mystery and bring your character into their promised land culminate into one brilliant idea. In the unexpected, darker times of writing, where you have your luggage in your hand but just can't seem to figure out what corridor to go down, often that is when the best ideas come. When you are feeling most vulnerable and beat down, that's when you can truly delve into the adventure of the page. That's when some of the best scenes are writting.

You see, writing is like life — fully of uncertainty and never what you expect. We don't know what will come around the next bend. And although we can try to plan the heck out of everything, you know it will never quite turn out that way. There is always a surprise waiting just beyond your line of sight.

To be honest, this is not always something that is easy for me. I'm a planner, for better or for worse. But   while I wholeheartedly believe in the importance of packing and preparing to the best of our abilities, I also know that sometimes when you're lost you might just stumble upon what you've been looking for — or even something better.

Shifting Gears — From Finishing to Beginning

Hello, everyone, and happy December! It's amazing how quickly these last few months have flown by, and just how much has happened during that time. As we move into the holiday season, and into the new year, I can contentedly say that I am finished with the final revision of my novel, and moving onto starting the next! Of course, this season will bring an interesting time known as the agent search, and hopefully some rest as well, but as I leave this one project and start on the next, I have begun to think about just how wrapping up one project provides a natural segue to the next.

As a writer, I think it is super important to always be thinking about future projects as you dive into your current one. Part of this goes back to the idea that you never know which novel, and which idea, will be the one that gets you an agent, or a contract, or a widespread readership. But also, being forward thinking and eager to create new, good ideas helps you in your commitment to the craft. Writing is no easy thing, and while it is great to take some time to celebrate your accomplishment of writing or revising your manuscript, you also want to make sure that you keep writing. There is no better way to become a better writer than to simply write more. I know this sounds totally cliche, but the more I write, the more I realize just how true this is.

Right now, I am waiting on the final comments from my mentor and then will officially be done with this novel. And part of me would love to kick back and relax for the next two months as I will admit I am quite tired from the hectic schedule of this past semester. But at the same time, I know it is time to move onto the next project and begin the process again.

I definitely think I am ready to move on from revision and begin writing something new again. While revision can be great, agonizing over sentence level details and deciding if the word "just" should go before or after the verb, and rereading a sentence with and without a contraction is really only fun for so long — at least for me anyways. You can really drive yourself crazy spending so much time on just one word placement when there are thousands of words you need to work through. Of course, this is not to say that revision can't have its great moments, but for now, I know I am ready to jump into the phase of creating anew, and leaving the meticulous nature revision behind.

I've heard some people say that after working with a project for so long, sometimes it can be hard to leave that world behind, with all of its characters and storylines and nuances that have really become a vivid reality to the author. I know I've spent a lot of time in my own fictional world and can see just how true this might be. But right now, because these three months of revision has been so intense and I feel at peace with where the story is at, I am happy to take a break and leave Carter and his world behind. But much like the way that every draft gets better, and your knowledge and craft of writing continually grows and builds upon itself, I think that Carter, and the stories I've written before, will always be part of the fabric of what I write next. They will never truly be left behind.

Your books become part of the fabric of who you are. And while some people might scoff at this idea as overly dramatic, it is really no different than the way that experiences and memories come to shape each of us. What you write, what you spend your time doing, all the things you think about, and all the lessons you learn about writing will carry on to the next project. However latent the role of these past projects become, they will always be part of your creative self, reminding you of the lessons you've learned and helping to shape your characters into more interesting ones and your plot into one of intrigue and action.

So as I move from the end of one project to the beginning of the next, I am confident that while I will face new challenges that I might not have dealt with before, I am better equipped to the write the story I am planning to write, and to write it well. It is time for the beginning of a new project, and thus I will take the lessons I've learned from Blinding and bring them forth into my new fictional world where characters will be created and imaginary lives will be changed. So wish me luck! Here's to many new lessons, new stories, and hopefully, even stronger writing :)

In Thanks — The Importance of a Mentor

This time next week, I will have turned in my final revision of my manuscript and will be anxiously awaiting for my mentor's final responses. He will annotate the manuscript, send me a letter, and I will call him on the phone — all for the final time, at least in this context. After Saturday, our cooperative work on this project will be done. And I can honestly admit, that idea seems strange.

After almost three and a half months of working together, and after I have worked on this manuscript for two months before that, somedays it seems this project has just become part of the very nature of my life. But like all projects, this manuscript is wrapping up and a new one will soon be starting. In some ways, it is time to move on, and transition into the next phase of sending it out and starting my next project. Nevertheless, I wanted to take the time to truly stop and appreciate all that I've accomplished in the past five months, and, more importantly, the person who has helped me do so.

When I found out who my mentor was in mid-August, I was overjoyed to have the privilege of working with someone who had accomplished so much in his career and who, I was certain, had much wisdom to share. It turns out I was right. I truly could not have picked anyone to work with over the past few months. I would never have gotten my manuscript to this point without my mentor and editor, Stephen Roxburgh.

Like the very name of his publishing company suggests, the role of an editor may often be unseen or unknown to the reader, but it is of supreme importance both to the writer, and the manuscript itself. My manuscript is infinitely better because of the ways that Stephen has shaped and led me. The input, guidance, wisdom and support he has given me has not only bettered my manuscript, but also changed me as a writer. I am thankful for his choice to work with me, and all of the wisdom he has imparted along the way. I could write for pages about all the things I've learned about the writing process and the craft; how to view your characters; what to cut and what to keep; the intentionality behind every word; the steps of the revision process; and so much more. But really, while all of these things are invaluable, most of all I want to appreciate his willingness to work with me and help me get closer to the writer I want to be. It all started with his decision to take on my project and work with a young writer. And for that I will be forever grateful.

Of course, I know that this mentorship with Stephen is a unique situation afforded to me by my master's program, but the value of having a writing mentor cannot be overestimated. While mentors are easier to obtain within a school setting, whether at the college or graduate level, I would highly encourage anyone to make sure that they are learning from writers or editors who have been doing this longer than you have. Mentors could perhaps come from a writing group or class you decide to take. And on some level, reading books about craft can serve as a type of mentorship for your writing as well. But being in relationship with other writers or editors who can read and help better your work is absolutely invaluable. Not only will you learn more about writing, but you will also find encouragement and support as you work your hardest and chase your dream.

I am blessed to say that these past few months have proven to be a great learning experience for me. I will always remember the guidance of my mentor and look back at the growth I have made during this time. I cannot express just how grateful I am, but only hope to continue learning and writing, and hopefully have more relationships such as this one — relationships that make me better, and lead me to create better books.

The Importance of Finishing Strong

I've been working on my manuscript for just under ten weeks now, and after committing to write five pages a day somewhere around four or fives weeks ago, I am almost done my first draft. The end is in sight, and all I need to do is cross the finish line. But suddenly, writing has seemed a little bit harder, and my motivation a little weaker. Instead of writing, I feel more drawn to the TV, or maybe some extra sleep.

Why is this? I wondered. After all this work, shouldn't I be racing to this finish instead of wanting to walk instead of keeping up with my normal run? I'm on the last day of important events in the story. I know that I am almost at the end. Of course I want to see my character through his journey and wrap things up. But yet, sticking with it suddenly seems harder. I've forced myself to stick with my five-page-a-day rule, so it's not like I'm not doing it. But being so near to the end of my first draft, I am definitely feeling ready to take a bit of a break.

I ran through the list of reasons that perhaps I am feeling this way. Sometimes, when it is time to finish a story, like the experience of reading a good book, you don't want the end to come. You want to stay in the world and just aren't ready to part with the characters. But I quickly crossed that off the list. I'm not letting my story go because I have lots more work to do with revision. My characters are still running across my mind and I still find myself very present on that soccer field or in my character's school. So perhaps it's that as I think about my upcoming projects, I have become more excited about starting fresh in a new world of fiction, instead of working through the revisions of my current story. I've had a lot of new story ideas lately for a project I plan to work on in the spring, but I don't think it's about being more excited about that story rather than this one, either. I still believe in my story, and don't want to abandon it to move on to something that might feel more flashy and exciting in the moment. Of course starting new things are fun. But I know I am still committed to this story, and all the excitement it holds deep within it, even if I, the author, am not feeling the same newness as I was at the beginning.

The truth is that I think I am tired. Plain, simple, and honest. I am tired of working a full day and then coming home to work for an hour or two or more. Just like any other intellectual activity, writing takes a lot out of me, and while some days it is easier than others, on the whole it requires a lot of energy that is constantly flowing out of my brain and onto the page. My life has revolved around writing for the past several weeks. I plan all my days around how much I have to write. And I think I am just a wee bit spent. Not with my story, but just in myself.

So as I approach my deadline for my editor/mentor, and reach the last pages of my manuscript, I have to dig down deep and know that not only will it all be worth it, but that I can do it. I need to honor the commitment I've made to myself and my work to see the manuscript through.

One of the most important characteristics of being a writer is the ability to commit to your work. Now I'm not highlighting myself as an embodiment of this quality, for I totally struggle with it, too, clearly. But this is what will ultimately make the difference between someone who is published and someone who is not; or someone who writes with extreme passion, and someone who treats writing as a casual hobby.

There are a myriad of inspirational quotes that say success is always proceeded by rejection. And I would say that in order to achieve success, you must first achieve completion — and completion is always proceeded by struggle. Of course we will struggle to finish a manuscript. Of course we will struggle to carve out time from our busy lives or say no to people who might not always understand why writing your daily number of pages is really so important. But as writers, we have to commit to seeing the project through. We have to remember why we started, and where we want to go. This is where I am right now. Tired and spent, but still moving forward. I am almost there, literally, so now is the time to just stay committed.

When you see the finish line, do you sprint ahead or do you start walking? I don't want to be someone who walks, or worse, sits down. I want to sprint ahead and see the race through. Perhaps this post is to motivate myself to reach the quickly approaching end of my manuscript, but I hope it motivates you a little bit, too!