I've been working on my manuscript for just under ten weeks now, and after committing to write five pages a day somewhere around four or fives weeks ago, I am almost done my first draft. The end is in sight, and all I need to do is cross the finish line. But suddenly, writing has seemed a little bit harder, and my motivation a little weaker. Instead of writing, I feel more drawn to the TV, or maybe some extra sleep.
Why is this? I wondered. After all this work, shouldn't I be racing to this finish instead of wanting to walk instead of keeping up with my normal run? I'm on the last day of important events in the story. I know that I am almost at the end. Of course I want to see my character through his journey and wrap things up. But yet, sticking with it suddenly seems harder. I've forced myself to stick with my five-page-a-day rule, so it's not like I'm not doing it. But being so near to the end of my first draft, I am definitely feeling ready to take a bit of a break.
I ran through the list of reasons that perhaps I am feeling this way. Sometimes, when it is time to finish a story, like the experience of reading a good book, you don't want the end to come. You want to stay in the world and just aren't ready to part with the characters. But I quickly crossed that off the list. I'm not letting my story go because I have lots more work to do with revision. My characters are still running across my mind and I still find myself very present on that soccer field or in my character's school. So perhaps it's that as I think about my upcoming projects, I have become more excited about starting fresh in a new world of fiction, instead of working through the revisions of my current story. I've had a lot of new story ideas lately for a project I plan to work on in the spring, but I don't think it's about being more excited about that story rather than this one, either. I still believe in my story, and don't want to abandon it to move on to something that might feel more flashy and exciting in the moment. Of course starting new things are fun. But I know I am still committed to this story, and all the excitement it holds deep within it, even if I, the author, am not feeling the same newness as I was at the beginning.
The truth is that I think I am tired. Plain, simple, and honest. I am tired of working a full day and then coming home to work for an hour or two or more. Just like any other intellectual activity, writing takes a lot out of me, and while some days it is easier than others, on the whole it requires a lot of energy that is constantly flowing out of my brain and onto the page. My life has revolved around writing for the past several weeks. I plan all my days around how much I have to write. And I think I am just a wee bit spent. Not with my story, but just in myself.
So as I approach my deadline for my editor/mentor, and reach the last pages of my manuscript, I have to dig down deep and know that not only will it all be worth it, but that I can do it. I need to honor the commitment I've made to myself and my work to see the manuscript through.
One of the most important characteristics of being a writer is the ability to commit to your work. Now I'm not highlighting myself as an embodiment of this quality, for I totally struggle with it, too, clearly. But this is what will ultimately make the difference between someone who is published and someone who is not; or someone who writes with extreme passion, and someone who treats writing as a casual hobby.
There are a myriad of inspirational quotes that say success is always proceeded by rejection. And I would say that in order to achieve success, you must first achieve completion — and completion is always proceeded by struggle. Of course we will struggle to finish a manuscript. Of course we will struggle to carve out time from our busy lives or say no to people who might not always understand why writing your daily number of pages is really so important. But as writers, we have to commit to seeing the project through. We have to remember why we started, and where we want to go. This is where I am right now. Tired and spent, but still moving forward. I am almost there, literally, so now is the time to just stay committed.
When you see the finish line, do you sprint ahead or do you start walking? I don't want to be someone who walks, or worse, sits down. I want to sprint ahead and see the race through. Perhaps this post is to motivate myself to reach the quickly approaching end of my manuscript, but I hope it motivates you a little bit, too!
No comments:
Post a Comment