As part of my MFA program, I have been matched with a wonderful editor to work on my manuscript throughout the semester. The founder of two publishing companies and an incredible editor who has worked with many talented authors, I could not have asked for a better editor than Stephen Roxburgh. I am truly excited to be paired with this mentor, and so, starting September 1st, or really Tuesday, as that is the day I will be sending him my manuscript, I will begin working with him to revise and polish my manuscript. In place of a traditional class, during this mentorship I will work with my editor to do five complete manuscript revisions and hopefully bring my work to the place where I can begin sending it out to publishers. So now, as the summer draws the a close and school is just around the corner; as I complete my independent portion of the writing and move into collaboration; and as I prepare to receive the first round of feedback on my story, I find that I am feeling kind of nervous.
Of course, I've workshopped my writing many times before. But this is different. Unlike workshopping, where you typically show portions of your manuscript at a time, this is a complete manuscript turnover. He will be reading start to finish, without having seen any piece of the work before. Yes, he knows of the premise and the characters, but he doesn't really know anything else. So unlike a workshop setting, the problems he might identify in the beginning could still be very present in the end, and I cannot improve upon certain aspects of the novel before he might get to them.
So I'm feeling slightly apprehensive about what Stephen's opinions will be, and how he will react to my manuscript. To be honest, I just want him to like it. I want him to say, "Hey, you've really got something here." Regardless of whether he says that or not, I know that my mentor will be critical and honest, and tell me exactly where the manuscript stands. He will identify the weaknesses and the strengths, the inconsistencies and missing components — and all for the betterment of my work. But as I wait to receive his feedback, I still find myself a bit anxious: anxious that perhaps the manuscript is not good enough, and anxious about all the work I have ahead.
I definitely have a tendency to anticipate and worry. I mean, I haven't even turned over my manuscript yet. So instead of sitting in anxiety, I need to just take a deep breath, finish my small revisions, and hand my manuscript over. This type of blind reading will provide both great, honest feedback for Stephen, and a great life experience for me. This format is much like the real world in which I would send out my work to an agent or an editor anyway, so this will just provide good practice. During my writing career, there are going to be people who say they don't like things, or that this manuscript or another manuscript just isn't good enough. And if or when someones says that, I just have to accept their opinion, and continue working hard to make my manuscript shine.
I've come to realize that I have to trust in my work as it is. I know that my manuscript as it stands is not awesome. It is a first draft. Is it good? Yeah, probably, but not ready to go anywhere other than to my mentor for sure. But even knowing that I have lots of work ahead, I also need to know that no matter what the feedback, I will be able to handle and work through the criticisms that I will receive. I need to trust that even if its not good enough right now, I can make it good enough through hard work. I need to trust that my story has potential, that I will be able to hear and accept the revisions, that I have the talent and work ethic it takes to be a writer.
I need to know that I might not be there yet, and I might not even get there with this manuscript, but I am on my way. Unfortunately, writing a good, ready manuscript doesn't happen overnight, or in a week, or in a month. It takes revision and the help of others like my editor, and just basic hard work. Writing is a journey. I need to trust in the journey. The feedback will be what it will be. But until I actually have it in hand, there's nothing I can do but wait, and trust that I worked really hard. I just have to let my work go and see what happens. Ultimately, there's not really a choice. This is what writers do, right? Write and revise, turn it over and see what happens, and then do it all over again?
I'll be sure to keep you updated on the journey!
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